Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize