omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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