Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
