So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
