so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
