Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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