So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
