whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
