That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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