I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
