swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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