He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
