i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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