I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he was CRYING into my vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
