you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
