But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
