so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize