It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
