the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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