I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
