Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
