You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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