booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
