Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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