Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need to calm my uterus...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
