I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize