summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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