Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
