tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
