We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize