dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
