is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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