don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Randomize
