Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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