Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
