we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
