Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
