4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
