you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
