we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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