Will you blow on my dice?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
me + whiskey = a bad person
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize