mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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