I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize