I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
