Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
