you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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