you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
