dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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