question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
