There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
