Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just googled if crying burns calories
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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