Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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