Nicole vs. Life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize