I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
