i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
