come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
