I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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