Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
