I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
