Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
