We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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