dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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