Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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