I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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